If you have ever been in a hard time, only to look around and find yourself alone in it, take heart, because you are in fact not alone.
According to Psychiatry.org, in 2024 30% of adults say they have experienced feelings of loneliness at least once a week over the past year, 10% say they are lonely every day and younger people were more likely to experience these feelings, with 30% of Americans aged 18-34 saying they were lonely every day or several times a week. Single adults are nearly twice as likely as married adults to say they have been lonely on a weekly basis over the past year (39% vs. 22%).
As you can see, many of us feel lonely, and many of us can trace these feelings back to real-life situations. While it may seem better and beneficial to have someone near (especially during hard times) to help or cheer us on, there is hope for those of us who are single, feel lonely, or are just not getting the support we need.
That is – we can be our own support system.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a support system is a “network of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.”
Many of us grew up in families that may have neglected us or else left us feeling neglected (whether on purpose or not). It was hard to find the support we needed when we needed it. Bad break-ups, lack of money, lack of friendships, and the like could have left us feeling insecure and alone. So, what can we do if we find ourselves needing support and yet having none?
Here’s how you can be your own support system:
Identify what you need when you need it
Is it a listening ear? Maybe you don’t have anyone you can talk to. Or maybe you don’t have anyone you can talk to without judgment. Not everyone can afford a therapist or counselor. So what else is there to do?
One method I’ve used is journaling. There is something about writing your feelings, desires, and thoughts on paper that really does help. This is because you are able to organize these thoughts on paper. In that way, you can see them reflected to you and that may help you find direction. Sometimes all we need is to express. And when you can write it down, you can then assess your thoughts and feelings and provide yourself with direction. Another benefit? You can express yourself without fear of judgment.
Make yourself happy
Have you ever depended on someone else or something to make you happy? Only to have that thing or someone utterly let you down? I believe it is our responsibility to make ourselves happy. No one can do it for you. And if they do- my belief is that it will only be short-lived.
But how do you make yourself happy? Try searching within yourself. Sometimes we have to think about what it is we want or what it is we enjoy. We can only find that within ourselves. When you can identify those things that make you happy – you can then choose those things. Whether it is reading a book, writing poetry, cooking, painting, whatever you choose to do or dwell on, just remember you are doing it for your peace of mind and well-being. Often, we make the mistake of feeling guilty if we take time or leisure for ourselves. But the truth is, we need it. And we need it to feel peace and happiness.
Build yourself up
Again, not everyone has a mentor, a therapist, or even a friend to help build them up. My suggestion is – build yourself up. There are tons of resources out there to help with this – from positive affirmations to the bible. But many of us just have to put it into practice. When you are feeling alone, emotionally unstable, or depressed – I encourage you to not let yourself settle for these states. Reach for those things that will help build you up.
There are other approaches to the dilemma of not having enough support; these are just a few that have helped me.
Although it is nice to have confidants, therapists, or mentors who can help to strengthen you when you need it most, there is something to be said for supporting and holding your own self up.
Keep going. Keep living.
What are some helpful things you do to support and hold yourself up?