I’ll admit that it is not always easy to address the things that have caused us shame. We have all encountered this feeling in our lives, and it is not easy to overcome it. If you are anything like me, shame has had a very negative impact on your life and may have even hindered your growth.
I may not be qualified to speak on all categories of shame, but I’ve had my share. Being raised in an environment that put a tight bolt on skeletons in the closet and around some who could easily have earned PhDs in keeping secrets, I learned how to hide mine very well. But shame is not discriminative nor is it complacent. Rather, it can follow us throughout our lives and keep us from ever really feeling free.
As a woman who spent my adolescence in a poor community and then my young womanhood with a mental illness, I can say that one of the surest ways to limit your growth and potential is to remain in an impoverished mindset. Some may call it a “scarcity” mindset. Whatever you choose to call it, this certainly could’ve and could still hold me back if I allow it to. But I didn’t want that to be my story and I still don’t.
Being a spoken word artist, I have had the privilege of sharing my story and feeling a sense of freedom from it. In fact, I’ve heard before that sharing our stories is, in fact, the best way to combat shame.
And we all have our stories. I’m not at all suggesting that we share our stories with just anyone. However, sharing your story can be a great way to liberate you from shame as well as connect you to others who may share the same experiences.
Here are a couple of things you can do to start overcoming shame from your past:
First, ask yourself, what are you so afraid of?
I think fear is a huge factor in shame and even a partner. Where shame is, fear seems to always be lurking in the background. Maybe some people express shame differently, but if you’re anything like me, you know how paralyzing shame can be. Ask yourself – what are you afraid of? I think finding out what you’re afraid of is the first step. And for many of us, it will be – what would people think if they knew?
Share your story
As a spoken word artist, getting on stage and sharing my story was liberating. It exposed the dark parts of me and allowed me to share some of my deepest moments with others. And as a result, it created a connection with the audience I wouldn’t have had had I not been vulnerable enough to do so. You don’t have to be like me and open up your life on stage, but even writing it out can be freeing.
Learn to let go, while also embracing
I think most of the things we are ashamed of tend to still have a hold on us. The secrets we keep can sometimes be our worst enemies. It is the dark parts of us sometimes we don’t want to see or reveal. But as you search yourself to see those things, I also encourage you to embrace your past. Why? Because as much as we would like to forget or hide it, our pasts have made us who we are today. You don’t have to let it define you, but I think embracing the very thing that was meant to kill you will somehow show you how strong it made you.
Remember, you are enough
As a final way to start overcoming shame, I believe that we should cultivate this belief that we are enough. I think it is ultimately the best way to accept the past (which is a part of you) and lean into the present (who you have become and what you’ve learned). And finally, grow into your future, freer self.
There is much to be said on this topic of shame, and I’m not an expert. However, these are some things that have helped me in my pursuit of freedom and overcoming shame from my past.
Thanks for reading. Follow me on IG @izzylala for more blog updates.