When I was younger, I heard it said that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder.' But what did it mean? When everything around me showed me that my beauty was not seen.
What does it mean to be beautiful?
According to the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of ‘beautiful’ means ‘pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically.’
Or, ‘of a very high standard; excellent.’
I would have to say that my younger self often associated beauty with the latter. In my adolescence, the standard for beauty seemed unachievable. I’d sit in my bedroom poring over magazines filled with supermodels whom young girls like me often idolized. These female models represented what the culture at the time deemed beautiful. And in my young mind, beauty is what held the key to everything.
We’d sit in mirrors trying to imitate what we saw on the glossy pages. We’d buy the products in the makeup section because they subliminally told us they would make us look like them. That we, too, could be of excellence – if only we could achieve such a standard.
But no matter what lengths I went to, I never could quite attain this beauty – at least that is what the world told me.
So maybe the latter definition is a better one – that beauty is what is ‘pleasing to the senses or mind.’
The truth was that what I ‘thought’ was beautiful was what society was telling me. I accepted that I had to mimic this beauty standard to feel beautiful. What I didn’t understand at the time was that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And that you can change the way you see yourself, by changing the way you look at things and the way you think about yourself.
Now that I am older, I can see that the standard society places on women to look a certain way is not the standard I want to live by.
The older I get, the more I realize how foolish it is to think that our physical beauty will not and is not fading. However, there is a beauty that does not fade – and that is a beautiful mind and heart.
I’ve decided that I want to live by a beauty standard of a different kind. And that we all can choose which standard of beauty to live by.
Here are ways to unlock your beauty (beauty of a different kind):
Set your own standard.
What makes you you? Is it your gift? Your smile? Your honesty? Your charisma? Then own it and let that shine. Put it on like your best outfit and show it off to the world. Define what makes you shine and then work on that.
Stand in front of the mirror. What beauty do you see?
Is it your eyes, your hair, your skin? Whatever that feature is – flaunt it! What you see as beautiful in yourself is what matters most. Even if you see what you think are flaws, too, highlight the features you like about yourself.
Accept what you see as flaws.
I believe we can even come to peace with some of our most disliked features. That does not mean that you still can’t improve them. But it does mean that if you can’t, you can find a different perspective on them. As Maya Angelou once said, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”
Don’t compare.
Comparing ourselves to others or to those society tells us are the epitome of beauty is a waste of time. We are all unique and yet were created by the same hand. And so that means that no one person is more valuable than the other. I believe even our outer appearance was created so intricately that to deny it or feel shame about it is to reject the creator and the creator’s hand. Be yourself and believe that you are beautiful too.
Believe me, this article is just as much for me as I think it is for every woman or girl who has ever felt she has to conform to someone else’s definition or standard of beauty.
Sometimes I look back on my 14-year-old self, and I wish she had known this truth. Or better yet, that she believed it.
Stay tuned for more on this topic.