How to listen to a hurting friend

Many people are hurt or are hurting now. In my most painful memories, I was once that hurting girl, misunderstood in many ways. The truth is that sometimes our actions come out of the pain we are feeling ourselves.

It took someone taking the time out to listen to me to help me on my healing journey.

So, if you see a friend hurting, perhaps these things can help you help them find their own healing.

Listen without judgment

Don’t be so quick to judge them and their actions. Try to listen to them (or read between the lines) when they are talking. So much of the time we judge people because of something they did wrong or that we deem "wrong." When really, their actions come out of a place of hurt.

So, try listening to them. Don’t excuse bad behavior, instead, try to detect the ‘why ‘behind it. Then, it will soften your heart to truly listen to their pain. And having someone near them who is not judging them helps immensely.

Listen before you speak

Sometimes all it takes is someone listening to you speak of your frustrations. When I was in my darkest place, I had a friend who listened to me speak about how frustrated I was in that place of despair. They rarely talked, but instead listened. Although it was hard for them to do, that listening ear was what I needed at the time to release what I was feeling in my soul.

Listen to understand

“The most basic of all human needs is to understand and to be understood.”

             D. Ralph G. Nichols.

Let this quote resonate with you. If listening is a human need, then why wouldn’t you do it to a friend in need?

Most people don’t take the time to listen to understand. When really, most people just want to be understood by someone else. When you feel misunderstood, it can be one of the loneliest places. So, the next time a friend speaks to you, try to really understand what they are saying. You may just discover how much alike you truly are and thus help them to feel less alone.

Listening to someone who is hurting might be hard for the listener. It may require you to extend and stretch yourself. But it will help the hurting more than most things will, and I believe it is one of the most basic yet admirable traits of friendship.

Let me know if this helped or inspired you in the comments!